Today something magical happened. Yes I said magical.
I had a good hair day and for me that’s a feat worth celebrating. Actually I had a decent hair day but I felt good about it and that folks is what I call magic.
I haven’t looked in the mirror and thought, ‘dang my hair looks nice’ in quite a while. I usually look, shake my head and mumble ‘this is the best you got today’ and quickly throw on some mascara.
I shaved my head a few months ago and thought I would track the journey a little better. Instead I barely talk about it in fear that someone will call me a broccoli head.
When I first did it, I got so much support and it felt amazing. I started to believe what everyone was saying; “Wow” I thought “I am brave! I do look good! I should keep my hair like this forever!”
Of course highs like that do not last. It quickly faded as my hair entered the awkward phase. I started thinking “Oh my goodness why isn’t it growing back faster? What the heck did I do? I am so stupid! I am never cutting it again, not even a trim!”
My friends, family and even strangers have been overwhelmingly supportive. However, the opinions of others don’t matter unless you feel it. I got really down about my hair y’all. There was a point when I just rebuffed every compliment I received.
I didn’t trust any of those compliments. If a stranger came up to me in the grocery store and told me how much they loved my hair (which happens quite often and rarely occurred when I had long hair) I didn’t trust them. I didn’t believe they were truly genuine in their compliment. I would explain to them how my hair cut wasn’t reflective of who I really am. “Normally my hair is down to here” I would say as I motioned to my ribcage. They would smile and say something along the lines of “Well I really like the way it is now” or “it really suits you.” Or I would deflect their compliment by saying something like “Oh thanks. It’s alright if you like the Cory Matthews look.”
What is wrong with me!? That is not normal behavior. These people were giving me the tools to build myself up and to feel good about my image.
However people can’t build us up; we have to do that from within.
Compliments fall on deaf ears when people don’t believe what they hear about themselves. The little voice in our head that talks to us and tells us who we are and what we are worth is powerful. Feed those voices positive and affirming energy.
No one can make me feel good about myself. I need to do that. People can help boost my mood and make me feel better but only I am responsible for my happiness and whether or not I can look someone in the eye after they say kind words and simply say “thank you.”
I talked with a new friend this weekend about short hair (she rocks the short hair as well) and we chatted about our experience. First, I want to acknowledge how absolutely incredible my new friend is and second I want to acknowledge that she made me feel good. She reminded me how fierce my short hair is.
This morning I woke up and saw myself for the first time in a while. What I mean I by that is I woke up, looked in the mirror and felt complete. I didn’t feel like I was missing a part of my identity because my hair is chopped. I didn’t feel ugly (which happens most mornings and is a miserable way to feel) or insecure.
I felt good. I felt pretty. I felt confident. I felt complete.
I am building the foundation to my happiness. I am learning that it’s okay for people give some support with kind words and that I need to accept them graciously and tuck them in the corners of my foundation to always come back to.
This morning I got out of bed and just knew that it was going to be a great day. And it was.
Love, Life, Health, Happiness and a Full belly,