D-Money and I celebrated our first year of marriage a couple of weekends ago. The first year was wonderful (as I assume and hope it is for most couples).
We learned so much about it each other and from each other. We gained a level of familiarity with one another and acknowledged that we truly are a family. We cried our frustrations about grad school with one another, fell in love with new hobbies, worked an awful summer job, struggled with joining our finances, completed p90x and changed our eating and lifestyle habits for the better and embraced a new life in Oklahoma together.
Our first year as Mrs. and Mr. was the perfect start to this lifetime journey we are on.
With that said, I learned a couple of things from this first year.
1) It’s important to still be an individual. I love my hubs but I am a person with or without him, just like he is a person with or without me. We have our own interest and hobbies and sometimes we merge the two (like climbing) and sometimes we need to do our own thing (yoga for me, mountain biking for him) and that is okay. I used to think that happy couples did everything together, had the same interests, ideas etc. I know now that happy couples do whatever works for them. For us, trying to become one person was a futile effort and led to unnecessary stress. D-Money has no desire to practice hot yoga everyday with me and that is fine. It doesn’t stop me from going and exploring my interest and it doesn’t mean something is terribly wrong with our marriage. It means we are two people who share a life but not necessarily the same idea of what is a fun way to spend an hour. He tries my hobbies, I try his. We include each other every once in a while but can appreciate our interests without being joined at the hip. Like I said, we are people with or without each other but our lives are enriched and so much more enjoyable because we are together and there is no need to guilt the other to pick up our interests.
2) I learned that it’s OKAY to go to bed mad. Seriously, whoever said it wasn’t is silly. If you go to bed upset, guess what? You wake up the next day usually thinking about how petty whatever you were upset about is and end up making pancakes together. Everything (most things?, nah everything) gets better with time and a good nights sleep really helps perspective. Staying up all night and arguing about the same thing is redundant because you aren’t going to solve the problem and are going to get more cranky. We go to bed upset sometimes but we never go to bed without saying “I love you” and a kiss no matter how upset we are. People argue, people make up and then they make pancakes.
3) Do nice things for each other. This is a pretty simple concept and there really isn’t a need to explain it.